Summer Insomnia
5 AM — 10 AM are sleeping hours.
Some days, or rather, some nights, it becomes difficult to maintain a normal sleep schedule in the summer. Many factors are at play here: humidity, temperature, and the lack of a daily routine. Nose bleeds, discomfort, boredom, the internet. There’s no real point in pointing fingers when at the end of the day it’s just myself around to blame.
Humidity and Temperature
Being prone to nosebleeds and having horrible spring-time allergies is an unfortunate curse combo. Without Reactine on hand, sneezing in public during the COVID-19 pandemic is essentially murder. Spontaneous nosebleeds can be quite the inconvenience without the luxury of a nearby washroom. In the summer of 2019, I finally figured that pain that accompanied each breath I drew could be relived with increased humidity. This was achieved by a small towel draped over the edge of a bowl full of water.
As the dry air greeted me again this year, I stumbled upon a standalone Honeywell digital readout for relative humidity and temperature. Armed with data, turning on a humidifier could be justified with a relative humidity below 45%. The dry air doesn’t quite prevent me from sleeping but rather makes resting well an impossibility since I may be waking up from the pain in my nasal cavity. With the sensor, I can be aware of humidity year-round and avoid waiting until the summer air reminds me.
What sleep schedule?
As with most of my youth years, summers meant no school and nothing to replace it either. The absence of structure means freedom. No due dates, no alarm clock, no events to look forward to on a daily basis. The lack of structure also meant no foundation to build upon. It was a dual edged sword. 2013–2016 was alright because of the month-long road-demanded by work. Taking me out of the province was rough for spending time with friends but it was reason enough to get up in the morning and tiring enough to encourage sleep.
2020 was strange as university classes were completely online. School was held on the Southeast side of my bedroom. No commute and no consequences for the lack of commitment of attending the class live. Watching recordings as needed before attempting assignments. That summer, staying up all night was spent working on a group project. Many hours spent alone, programming, and waiting for the classifier to finish training. Machine learning while person waiting.
This year, 2022, is the first summer where I could enjoy multiple weeks with no school or work. Am I? Absolutely not. Future summers will need to be planned so that my vacation days as an instructor are not gone to waste. My jobless status has gifted me with the responsibilities of head-chef, chaperone, and house-flipper. It doesn’t help that the stress from these responsibilities is constant. Even still, my schedule is somehow 100% flexible and simultaneously 100% booked.
Temporal Tranquil Time
I used to think that my thoughts kept me up at night. I’ve since overthought it and have convinced myself that my inability to process and explore my thoughts throughout the day has caused this. It has been a couple years since I’ve moved back home to live with my brother and my parents. For a while, I enjoyed its contrast to being isolated on an island. At times, I find myself longing for peace of mind. I have yet to find the balance and boundaries that will let me enjoy the company of others and freedom of independence.
During the day, a dozen interruptions are waiting for me. I expect “Isaiah!! <Insert Task>” hourly. I’m confident that I have achieved independence but its undependence that I wanted. In the pursuit of growth, I’m not reliant on those around me. This caused an imbalance in the relationship with my family. If I’m a source of transportation, food, and financial aid, what is left for me to receive. Living on my own during school meant learning to live well within my means. During co-ops the goal was to save money for the upcoming school term. During school terms, the goal was to minimize costs. I never worry about my basic needs. If life is about give and take, bringing that skillset home became I give and you take.
I used to joke with my ex-girlfriend that “my money is your money and your money is your money”. This recurring theme seems to stem from my own inability to set boundaries and being strategic with those boundaries. That magical boundary seems to be 11 PM at night. Everyone retires to their own room and how I spend my time is uninterrupted, unperturbed, and free from guilt. My time could be spent drowning beavers in Timberborn (nice game), working on my 3D graphics engine, or writing on Medium.
Closing Remarks Because It’s 2 AM
It isn’t really insomnia if I’m not trying anymore. Either way, it isn’t healthy that I’ve learned to set aside time for myself only in the middle of the night. Part of this is why I enjoyed experimenting with biphasic sleep. During that time between the two sleeps is hyper focused time. It feels reminiscent of multi-hour Call of Duty Zombie matches where my time could be enjoyed thoroughly. Being pulled left and right throughout the day has grown tiring. Even if I’m not sleep, the peace at night is rest I need.
Note: I’m partially tone-deaf to these excerpts. I’m completely unaware how these unchiseled thoughts are received by those who know me personally and those who don’t. What started as the question “Why can’t I sleep?” has now become “Why can’t I make time for the things I do in the middle of the night during the day?”